First Days at Uni

This is the most difficult thing I have ever had to do in my life.

I always thought I was made for Uni and that it would be the best thing ever but I can’t stop crying. Everyone is really friendly and the first night was fine. I made friends and spent the night out with them. I went into Brighton with one of the girls I met to go to Church on Sunday morning but I had also planned to meet Clarisse. Unfortunately because of a mix-up with the trains Cla and Johann didn’t get there in tome for mass and I had stood around waiting for them. So my libk to this girl has completely gone. I had a nice day in Brighton and having a look around and stuff but kept randomly crying when I had to speak about family. I just miss Mum and Dad so so much it’s just unbearable.

On the way back to Campus Cla and I met a couple of girls who live near her and we went to catch a bus back together. Unfortunately we caught the wrong bus and then the bus broke down in the middle of the Downs. We changed buses, went back into Brighton, got another bus back to campus and then went to my room. I feel that if I had stayed around on Sunday I may have got into the flow of things a bit more but I decided not to and instead went back to the Brighton Campus to have dinner with Cla.

I walked back around 9/9.15 and when I got back in I just burst into tears. Locked myself in my room and set reading over cards and looking at pictures. You’re not supposed to have quiet nights in on your second day of Freshers but I can’t say I’m really up for getting slaughtered and being a piss-head at the moment. I just feel so homesick.

This morning I met up with Louise and went to our Intro to IT course together. We then went back to her room and I met the people on her corridor. They’re all so nice and Lou has fitted in so nicely. I still haven’t properly met anyone on my corridor let alone the rest of the floor. We went to the Psychology Welcome thing – and I met the people in my tutor group. There are only a few of us, all girls with a female Adviser called Dora Duka. I’m going to try and remember the names of the girls on my group: Leoni, Peddra, Alice, Sadie, Veronica and another girl who I cannot remember the name of at the moment.

There’s a comedy night on tonight and I should probably go and see if anyone I met is going to it or doing anything at all, but I’d rather just sit in my room and cry and be alone. I can’t believe I’m being like this. It’s so unlike myself, I’m usually so bubbly and up for having fun but right now I just want to go home.

Dad phoned, said Mum and Kat aren’t well. I want to go and see them and check they’re OK, even though I know it’s just headaches and being under the weather. I miss my family so much. I should get a grip and got socialise. I have to love here for the rest of the academic year, but right now it feels like eternity. I feel like I’ll never see anyone I love again. I have to wait until at least November.

Drama Queen

I really can over dramatise situations at times.

I can't believe how fickle my emotions are too.

I feel like in the last month I have done a lot of growing-up and a lot of reality checks to bring me back. Sarah to earth - I'm coming home!

I've had a whole lot of people come and go and then come back again since I last blogged. My closest friend went to Italy for a week which caused a lot of heartache for me and his "kind-of-not-really-girlfriend". It was really good in a way because the two of us spent a fair bit of time together and just chatting and being girlie and stuff. It was a lot of fun. But I don't think he has ever seen to girls be so ecstatic and over the moon to see him when he returned 8 days later. I swear they were the longest 8 days of my life.

5 days. Everyday I was in work that week I would count down to my colleagues until DeeJay would be home and then Liz and I would work out the hours and try and work out what he was doing in Italy at that moment when we spoke and were together. 4 days to go. We braved it and we went out on the Wednesday night with our other bum buddies from the B6. It was a fairly good night, with Lizi, Katy and Anna joining us. It was amazing to see her again. Anna this is. She went out with an old school friend of mine around christmas time so I haven't seen her since then. She has got to be the most genuinely, lovely, caring, kind, non-judgemental, fun-loving, prettiful, sane but crazy girl I have ever met with THE most beautiful singing voice. I'm not even joking. She has the voice of an angel.

Friendships went on the rockies for a bit but all turned out to be a SHOCKWAVE TESTAMENT for me to realise yet again how truly blessed I am with my friends. A lot has happened but I honestly coudn't sit and re-iterate it all.

The day DeeJay came home my family left for Tuscany (a swap over holiday it seemed) and for the next two weeks I would have another rollercoaster of emotions. Until the Wednesday after their departure I don't think I had anyone over other than my aunt Pam. Although I tend to have a very selective memory.
Anyways - on the Wednesday before results (making it 15th August) I had my closest friends over. Well, those who could make it. As we were all cacking ourselves over results I thought it a good idea to get us all together so that we could take our minds off it or at least get to talk to people who could truly empathise.

We drank and ate and chatted and then went for a walk down to the lake. We sat in the pitch black by the lakeside at 12am and for about 20mins in the freezing cold singing on the benches and pissing about. Unfortunately Tom had an accident. He was running, I told him to stop in case he fell...SURPRISE, SURPRISE he fell and cracked a rib, grazed his head and both his knees, ripped his trousers and incurred upon himself mild concussion. I feel a tad guilty and almost totally responsible for that one. But luckily I provided him with a much needed walking stick. The guilty conscience eased slightly.

Results day was hectic and full of varying emotions. We all got into Uni. I unfortunately seemed to draw the short straw. When I arrived home I phoned my parents in Tuscany to let them know of my results and future Uni plans. My father wasn't too impressed because I didn't achieve all my target grades. I was down one grade for English and so didn't get into my first choice Uni - which I personally knew was going to happen anyway. But with ABB I was fairly impressed considering how shockingly bad I had done during the year in RE. I was told that the outcome was "disappointing" and became rather tearful to say the least. I came off the phone abruptly and decided to phone my brother instead. I had phoned my aunt Pam first off in school and had a very good response from her, but felt I needed some extra family support. My brother was the perfect person for this and I was in tears down the phone to him with all my friends sitting in the room with me at a loss as what to do. It probably wasn't the best reaction for me to have with them around but I was very lucky to have my friends with me really.

After that day (we all went out that night and thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. Well, the finale was a good one evetually) I spoke to my best-friend and was slightly shocked to hear what he said about my phone call to my brother. I do love them both dearly and they certainly are my two favourite males in existence - Sam and DeeJay. They are both always there for me. In the same way that Pam, Katy, Celia, Tom and Liz are. I Love my parents and sisters dearly and they are rated in my favourite people of all time certainly but I guess I don't fully understand where they're coming from all the time and react in a silly way. But anyway that isn't the point right now.

DeeJay proved how much he means to me. It occurred to me over the past two weeks how close we really are. I don't think I ever have completely been in a negative mood with him. There is always something which pops up to remind me (OK sorry have to point out the sexual innuendo there hehee sorry >_>) what an amazing person he is. In fact I just wrote a huge email to him about it.

I have yet again lost my train of thought which I tend to be doing all too often nowadays.

Anyway I've had an evetful two weeks and prior to that also. My family are now home and there are some awkward moments but in general I'm very happy to see them home again. There isn't much time left with them in this way now, so I guess I should chersih the crappiness and amazingness of homelife.

Let me in; Push me out

I can't believe this. Without fail and without even trying I am a fool for him. I let myself believe that it is going to be something different this time and that it has changed and there is something there.

Just accept it. When it comes down to the bottom line friendship is all that is there and by no stretch of your imagination; no matter how hard I try or want it; it isn't going to happen. Get over him and move on to someone or something else. He certainly isn't worth the aggravation and there is no reason to think that he is. One-way roads don't let two directions flow.

When I finally understand this truly, I hopefully will stop getting so easily hurt.

Do you know what the stupid thing is? I was told by him that I was like this. Maybe not in this manner of speaking and certainly not referring to these feelings, but he was right. I am too easily offended like right now. But I am not backing down on the pain this time 'cos there is no way that this is just the "love" working here. This is breaking both, any thought of that and now it seems even friendship.

The most annoying thing about this, is that when I next speak to him properly, when it comes to that call - I will fall all over again. I can't stop it from happening either.

DeeJay,

You told me earlier today how stupid it was when you saw this exact thing happen in reverse yesterday, but here it goes again.

What a sucker, is all I can say.

To Cap It All Off

I should really start by recapping the past three weeks or so that have passed with no news from me, but in all honestly nothing much has happened to my memory. I've been working a fair bit and doing nothing much in particular.

The main events over the past weeks have been friend related, so I guess I start with the brief summary. We (the B6 minus Pete and Marshall plus Teighlor) went to London for the day on Wednesday 11th July. The night before however, was Katy's 18th so we went out for a few drinks. Liz and I got hammered on a bottle of wine each. It was not a clever idea. I threw up when we went to a club and have a dogged memory from semi-passing/falling asleep in the space of 30mins probably. I had an odd night's sleep and felt rough as anything most of the next day. But nonetheless, London was really good as it always is. We went around all the sights and walked a shit load but I personally needed to work out any remaining alcohol from my system. We got home about 9pm after leaving at 10am that morning so it was a long day but a rather enjoyable one.


I finally got the insurance on the car, had a free house for the day so Liz and I drove the group bar Pete plus Teighlor, into the Brickhills where we proceeded in a 2 hour walk through the woods and wilderness. It was a very good day by my accounts. We all got scratched and muddy but it was good fun to be out with everyone like that. We went home to mine and watched Spaceballs then it was in to the City Centre for work and home. DeeJay and I went for Pizza Express after work and got some very odd looks from passers-by and the staff who clearly thought we were on a date. Heheh, ignorance is bliss!

Tom, DeeJay, Liz, Celia and I went to see the 5th Harry Potter film which was a bit of a let down considering how much the book effected me. Nevertheless it was good to be out with the guys.

Liz, DeeJay and I went to the Harry Potter launch, hanging around to watch the activities in the centre, then watching Lee Evans til 11.45pm and going to Wolverton Tesco's to pick up the 7th, final book in the Harry Potter series Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (which I am currently, very slowly reading).

The Spain Crew, minus Celia who is in Ghana (left on 23rd June due back at the beginning of August some time) stayed over Liz's for two nights which was good fun. The second night I had my car as well as Liz's so we went into the Brickhills at 11pm and
walked the length of the woods. The fun began when we bumped into some suspect chavs in a BMW parked near the cemetery. They followed us walking all night and then chased us when we drove past. It's such an adrenaline boost to be in a car chase down a narrow, windy, one-way road in the pitch black. That was probably the best night there. We had some interesting driving that night to say the least.

The family were all down two weekends ago; my mum's older sister and her husband; his sister and her husband; Sam and Honey; and dad's sister Pam. It was nice to have the family all around like that since it has been two years since we've seen Oli and Geoff (aunt and uncle) and probably a good there years since we've seen Irene and John (Uncle's sister and husband). We didn't do anything in particular so there is nothing much to say about that.

Pam, mum and dad went to see Van Morrison and me and Kat spent the evening drinking red wine and watching movies which was really good. I don;t spend an awgul lot of time with her as I have my own life to be living.

On Monday of this week I stayed around Katy's house and we had a girlie night in, watching Napoleon Dynamite which is by far the oddest film I have ever seen, though I quite like it despite the oddity of it. Then Tuesday after working 10-6 I went over to Liz's, DeeJay was there too . We took Liz's aunt and uncle's border collies for a walk around Bancroft, Bradwell and that general area for about an hour and a half. Then we sat and messed around and attempted to organise and Avenu Qru trip for next summer or sometime. The next day we met Tom and took the dogs for a two hour walk in the Brickhills which was much fun and blooming knackering. It was really good to be relaxed out in nature enjoying the company of some of my closest friends though.

That night (Wednesday) Katy, Liz, Pete, Marshall, Leigh and I all met up to go out. Unfortunately (majorly so it turned out) DeeJay couldn't make it as he is soon going on holiday to Tuscany so he relaly needs to make sure he's in a fit state so as not to ruin the family holiday, which is fair enough, but a bummer for us lot. Anyways - it was a good night out. I wnjoyed dancing a bit, though not much this time which is highly out of the ordinary for myself but nevertheless I enjoyed it all at the time. We met up with other people form school and stuff whilst out which was cool considering it's been a good month since we'd all seen each other. Katy stayed at mine that night and then we went to the cinema today with Marshall, Tom, Liz and DeeJay to see The Simpsons Movie. I wasn't expecting much as Kat hadn't built it up much, however I very much enjoyed. There are some awesome one-liners and jokes in it which had me truly Lulzing.

I've certainly been enjoying myself but not really doing anything in particular.

Birds

She was waiting at the station
He was getting off the train
He didn't have a ticket so he had to bum through the barriers again.
Well the ticket inspector saw him rushing through
He said girl you don't know how much I missed you but
We'd better run cos' I haven't got the funds to pay this fine.
She said fine.

Well so they ran out of the station and jumped onto a bus With two of yesterdays travel cards and two bottles of Bud,
And he said you look well nice.
Well she was wearing a skirt
And he thought she looked nice
And yeah, she didnt really care about anything else
Because she only wanted him to think that she looked nice,
And he did.

But he was looking at her, yeah all funny in the eye.
She said come on boy tell me what your thinking,
Now dont be shy.
He said alright, I'll try.
All the stars up in the sky and the leaves in the trees,
All the broken bits that make you trip up and grassy bits in between.
All the matter in the world is how much I like you.

She said what?
He said let me try and explain again.

Right, birds can fly so high, or they can shit on your head,
Yeah they can almost fly into your eye and make you feel so scared.
But when you look at them, and you see that they're beautiful,
That's how i feel about you.
Right birds can fly so high or they can shit on your head,
Yeah they can almost fly into your eye and make you feel well scared.
But when you look at them, and you see that they're beautiful,
That's how i feel about you.
Yeah thats how i feel about you

She said what?
He said you.
She said what are you talking about?
He said you.

Right birds can fly so high or they can shit on your head
Yeah they can almost fly into your eye and make you feel so scared.
But when you look at them, and you see that they're beautiful,
That's how i feel about you.
Right birds can fly so high or they can shit on your head,
Yeah they can almost fly into your eye and make you feel well scared.
But when you look at them, and you see that they're beautiful,
That's how i feel about you.
Right, thats how i feel about you.

She said thanks, I like you too.
He said cool.

You may not like her as a singer, but these lyrics are cute and so normal - I guess she makes everything like that, but these words were just ones I quite like!

The song is on my MySpace profile if you want to check it out.

(purposefully not mentioned the singer to eliminate pre-judgment)

Catch Up!

OK, so this week has been fairly busy and quite a productive one as far as holiday weeks go.

The main thing this week was being with friends and rebuilding relationships. Not necessarily because of anything bad, but just catching up and doing what we do best! So it all started on Monday morning when DeeJay and Liz came over early in the morning followed by Tom and Cece in the afternoon. We sat and watched a couple of films and had general chat about random anything and everything. Then headed into the city centre for a staff meeting (for me and DeeJay anyway) where we met Anita and said farewell to Tom. After a very short meeting DeeJay, Liz, Cece, Anita and myself went to Pizza Express for dinner then over to the Xscape to watch Oceans 13 which was really good and rather funny. I’m glad I haven’t seen the second one as I think it would have ruined the third for me.

The next day I bummed around the house and sat for a few hours going through old pictures with my sister Kat form when we were kids. It was weird hearing her talk about me as a child and her being really sisterly. She never used to be, it’s weird having her grown-up but really good too. I guess I’m slowly growing-up and changing too. I like this time in life – it’s very good. We just enjoyed a sisterly day. Then I went into the centre in the evening for a meal with my Church friends as it was one of their birthdays. Back at Pizza Express again but in a completely different vibe with some good stories and anecdotes being told, and made I’m sure.

Wednesday was our London trip day. DeeJay and Liz came to mine around 11am where we sat and chatted and chilled for a bit. Then, just before 1 Liz drove down to her physiotherapy with me and DeeJay waiting in her car, listening to music and pissing about. She was barely in there anytime though, and when she came out again she said hello to me through the window and scared the crap out of me. In turn I rattled Liz and DeeJay with my scream. Obviously I wasn’t expecting her to turn up outside the window as my head was turned away from it!

After this Liz drove down to Cece’s to pick her up and then we went back to Liz’s for half an hour or so. We were then dropped at the train station by her dad and we headed off to London. The train ride allowed for may picture poses and the usual random conversation. We arrived at Euston around 3.40pm and headed off to China Town for some lunch/dinner. Then we wondered around London for about three hours.

OK, I should probably mention that we went to London to see Avenue Q at the Noel Coward Theatre on St Martin’s Lane.

So we eventually got to theatre, had a drink in a pub over the road from it beforehand. Then went in and I don’t think I’ve ever laughed that much for that long in my life! It was fantastic. The humour was just perfect for me, and I was in hysterics the whole way through it, even when other people weren’t I’d let out a little giggle. The others certainly enjoyed it too; it was good to do something like that with them. We got back into MK around midnight.

When I got home Kat text me and we lay in her bed and watched Shaun of the Dead. It was nice to just spend time with her like that – we used to do it when we were younger – sleep in each others rooms for a couple of hours anyway. Just lie and chat! It’s good to get back to the roots like that again.

Thursday I did very little. I had work in the evening with Kate. It was good to work with her on a close. I’ve never done that before. Got to have a good gossip with her and catch up on what’s been going on. Nothing interesting happened at work really, it was pretty dead all night.

Friday was the big day! I met up with Katy at about 2pm in the city centre as I was to join her and her family for a meal, an early celebration for her 18^th. We went back to hers and had a long chat and just chilled for a few hours. Then Kates, Amy (her sister) and I got ready for going out. Katy and I were going on to Revs after the meal to meet Phil and his friends. Little did she know we were actually going to the Irish Centre for the majority of the night. After the meal Katy’s mum told us we were going to see her Nan and Granddad who were at the Irish Centre.

When we arrived, we sent Katy in first to see the surprise gathering of friends and family. Her face was priceless. She was actually speechless, which is nothing like Katy! I was very glad to be there as well, as Tom and Teighlor were there, the first time I met her. She is something else. She is just amazing! I spent moist of the night dancing with her and Cece. Everyone danced that night actually which was really good as usually there are a few party poopers there. We all left at a bout 12.15am and headed back to mine mostly. Celia and I both went out like lamps.

We were all up at around 8.40am the next morning as DeeJay had to go to work for 10am. Liz took DeeJay into work and Celia home, they left at about 9.40am. I went and cleared my room and aired my room out a bit. Then went and got ready for work. I had a bit of a spat with my parents over lifts and stuff as I had to ask them to pick up a friend after work. I really wanted to turn around and tell them that if they just sorted out the insurance already, I could do it myself. It’s been over two weeks since I past my driving test and driven in general. It’s making me mad! There’s no reason for it not to have been done already! Anyway, I’m not going off on one AGAIN about this.

After work (which was dead yet again and pretty eventless) Dad picked me up, we went home, had dinner, then drove to Roade (a 15min drive up the A5) and picked up Audrey from her Gran’s. This was the first time I’d seen either of them in about 8/9 years. It was so good to see her again.

When we got back to MK, we sorted some bits out and then went into the centre and met some of my friends at Old Wetherspoons. We were only there for 3hours or so and Audrey seemed to enjoy herself. We had a couple of drinks, but it was just good to sit around and chat with everyone like that. The girls/guys really took to Audrey so it was nice to just be where it was quiet for a change. It was also the last chance to see Anita before she headed off to HK for a month. =(

When we got back to mine Audrey and I sat and looked at pictures of her family and her home in the Philippines. She is a very privileged girl I must say. Although she does miss Manila a lot – her family have moved back to England for a bit and then they’ll head off somewhere else, maybe stay here even. It’s all up in the air at the moment. But, Audrey will be around soon as she is going to Uni next year. Hopefully though, her gap year will keep her in the UK.

We went shopping today for shoes. It was a good day, the shops were quite empty which gave us plenty of time to browse. We both ended up with some earrings – I absolutely love mine – and two pairs of shoes. One pair Audrey ended up with were awesome, these grey stilettos with a little strap going across the bridge/arch of the foot with closed toe and heel. They were just gorgeous.

Dad picked us up from the shops and we dropped Audrey back at her Gran’s. I’m not sure when I’ll get to see her next. She may come up to London on Wednesday when I’m there, so we’ll just see what happens. The rest of today has just been a bit non-plus; just mooching about really. Should have a good week coming up though!

Words to Win My Heart

These are the words I want repeated over and over before sleep! The most beautiful poems I have come across so far in life.

"How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of everyday's
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with a passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints,
- I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears of all my life! -
And, if God choose
I shall but love thee better after death."

~ "How do I love thee?" by Elizabeth Barrett-Browning

"Shall I compare thee to summer's day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May.
And summers lease hath all too short a date.
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And often is his gold complexion dimmed;
And every fair from fair sometime declines,
By source or nature's changing course untrimmed.
But thy eternal summer shall not fade
Nor lose possession of that fair thou ow'st;
Nor shall death brag thou wand'rest in his shade,
When eternal lines to time thou grow'st.
So long as men can breathe and eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this gives life to thee."

~ "Sonnet XVIII" by William Shakespeare

What A Mess

Well, my face, hair and room anyway.

I had the worse start to the best week. Having everything revolve around prom, waking up with an extra spot each morning leading up to Thursday 28th June was not very good. But nevertheless I managed to have a full and fun week.

On the Monday I had a day of clearing mine and my sister's room as she was moving back in on Tuesday. I went into school in the afternoon around 3pm to meet DeeJay, Liz and Celia. It was the girls’ last exam and so we decided to all go out and celebrate the summer starting fully with all of us together. I dumped three bags of folders into school and then went and sat with DeeJay in our library place. The last time we would ever be doing that. Mrs Manley offered to have out names written on the table as we technically own it. Our group of friends always spent frees on a corner table. No one else ever used it when we were around! Ah I will miss these little things. Around 3.20pm DeeJay and myself went and met the girls from their English exam and went into the city centre for a Starbucks.

Tuesday, I had a girls day with Celia, Liz and Katy all coming over. We sat around the house chatting and just reminiscing over the old days. It was really nice to just relax with them actually. Kates left to collect her stuff to stay over mine. Liz went home around 4pm as she had gymnastics then Kates turned back up at the house around 6pm. We all just chilled out looking over old pictures and stuff from Year 11 and 12. It was really funny remembering how we all met and stuff. Always feels good top dig around the memory box.

Wednesday was woken at 9am by Katy turning up at the house (she had stayed over Phil’s). We sat in the kitchen and had a drink. Then sat and gossiped and did the usual girlie thing until 1pm when Liz came to pick me up. We went into Bletchley, dropping Katy off at home and then heading into Central Bletchley. Liz and I had some lunch then went to the hairdressers where I got my new cut. It’s so different to usual, but I quite like it. After that was done we headed back down the high street in the rain to fond a boutonnière for Liz to give to DeeJay for prom. Luckily the first florist did this at an incredibly good price, so Liz put in the order and we headed back to the car.
Liz dropped me home and we sat chatting in the car about prom and stuff. then went back to hers. The rest of the day was nothing special.

Thursday was the big day! I was up and out of the house by 10am. I went to DeeJay’s, being greeted by Tita Ellen in her dressing gown. I think I arrived a bit too early. DeeJay was still in bed so I went up and woke him. I gave him quite a shock. He sat for a couple of minutes sitting bolt upright in silence staring at me before he clicked and told me I was late! Hehehee
We went and met Kate in a park to pick some bits up form her for that night. DeeJay took his new camera with him and we sat playing on the swings and see-saw for 20mins whilst waiting for Kate to arrive. It reminded me of how cool childhood is. Oh the simplicity of it all.
We went back to his and I was shown the world of Ben Folds Five, DeeJay’s favourite band and now a top one for me too. I have been introduced into the complexities of three incredibly talented males. It’s a real shame that they split before I even discovered them. But the music is still all available so I shall be enjoying there music over the summer for sure.

At 1.30om I left DeeJay’s and went into Bletchley to pick up some extra prom bits and the boutonnière for Liz. I then had to rush back home to pick up my prom invitation and a couple of other bits too. Then it was into the city to meet Celia. She looked stunning when I met her. She had just had her make-up done at Mac for the prom and it was perfect. She’d also had her hair done that morning which was amazing! We went and picked up my jewellery and Celia’s last prom piece. We then rushed back to hers, picked up her dress and other bits and got a taxi up to DeeJay’s where Marshall, Liz, Tom and Pete were relaxing before the limo.

It was about 4.45pm when we arrived at DeeJay’s. We had until 6.30pm to get ready for that night which we spent well. Liz did my hair and make-up; I did her back (cover-ups on tan-lines which I probably could have done with too). We were the last one’s ready and came downstairs about 6pm to take pictures with the guys. Tita Ellen gave us all a glass of red wine whilst we waited. I downed a second before the limo arrived and we all went out about 6.40pm.

The limo attracted the scary neighbours in Fullers Slade and it felt like we were celebrities or something. The driver got out the red carpet and we all had out photo taken as we went into the limo and as a group outside the limo too. As we piled in, we found that there was a bottle of champagne ready with glasses and three screens which allowed us to watch music videos, play karaoke and play PlayStation games. It was pretty damn awesome and we have Celia to thank for it.

After popping open the bubbly, Pete passed the bottle for me to pour (not a good idea) as I poured it perfectly until I managed to overflow and pour about a glasses worth in my dress. Eeeek. Luckily it was the 8th glass and there were only 7 of us. Oh, and champagne doesn’t stain either when your clothing is dark. We sang some karaoke on the way to the Holiday Inn, formerly the Marriott Courtyard.

We were the only group with a limo apparently. I was already tipsy *coughs* by the time we arrived, and managed to see people when we went in. Okay, so Dale and Chris were meeting and greeting. Then Miss Green and Miss Naylor were just inside taking pictures of us all. I went ahead of the group and saw the prom committee girls, Cla, Lorna, Lizi, Lisa and Sophie. Got my glass of Bucks Fizz and then wondered aimlessly for a bit. I took some pictures with people as I saw them and then went back to find my group. On the way up I met Katy and Phil.
The seven of us (being DeeJay, Liz, Celia, Marshall, Pete, Tom and myself) went to go and get out professional picture done. The final choice was odd, but very good, and we were all pleased with it! I think anyway.

Other stuff happened, then we went into the dining hall and were seated. We had our meals serves (I barely ate, as the other girls too) and at some point during this I found some other friends arriving at the table or going to theirs. And then somehow got to the toilets which I don’t remember happening. Took some more pictures in there and then went back to the Dining Hall. After the meals had been finished and cleared away, the awards started.

Everyone who we all said was going to win the various awards did. Naomi Manley and Ben Van Leuven winning best dressed; Katy – Teenage Drama Queen; Jake McInnes – Boozy Floozy; Me – Oops I Did It Again (accident prone apparently); Jail Bird – Chris Ormonde (possibly, I don’t remember); various other awards were won; Rebel without a Reason – Ben Van Leuven; Vintage Wine – Me (not sure why or what the award was for I was just happy to walk away with free wine!).

We then had the disco bit, some good songs were played and most people got up and danced. Including teachers, which was really good fun. They were all so far gone by this stage so it was quite amusing. After a long time (I had no concept on time do I’ll guess at 2 and a half hours) the limo came and picked us up, exchanging Tom for Mark as Tom is saving monies for Teighlor who is coming on Thursday (WOOP WOOP).

We were meant to have an hour’s drive around MK but opted out of this and went to DeeJay’s for us to pick up everything, then mine to drop it all off (as this was where we all stayed the next morning – bar Mark) and then finally ended at the Point where we spent the nest 3 hours. Nexus was fairly busy, with most of the year there. Pete had gone to Oceana instead, but ended up walking over to Nexus as he couldn’t get in.

It was really good to be back there again. I didn’t really spend much time with the group once there. Well, Cece and Liz I danced with a few times but Celia hooked up with Nat once there and Liz and Lizi stayed together, well mingled with others too really. Kates was there so we jived for a bit. I actually managed to get around most of the year that were there which was really good. It was probably the last time I see a lot of them so I’m glad I didn’t waste that time.

I vaguely remember the end of the night where I was being attacked by people. I know Pete and DeeJay were involved. Okay. So let’s explain this properly. A song came on and Pete made a jolt with his hand in my face and loud noises and it scared me; so a few of them did this for a little bit whilst I cowered and screamed in my seat. They are such lovely friends to have!

We left Nexus just after 3am and walked over to the Xscape to meet some of Pete’s friends there. A guy called Calvin who outs Pete to shame. Well, that is what DeeJay said. Personally I would say he puts Pete’s dancing skills pail into insignificance as Calvin is little less than fudging awe-inspiring. We eventually left for mine at about 4am.
Once home us girls went straight to bed after I set up the sleeping arrangements for the guys downstairs. Then we lay awake in my room listening to the guys running around and laughing and chatting quite loudly! Hahahaa, they are such kids, quite a musing to listen to. Especially when I remembered that my phone was downstairs and the alarm was set for 6am (about an hour after they finally went to sleep). Ah the joys of being “in-the-know”.

Us girls got up at about 8.30am/9am and went and woke the boys. The poor things were knackered. We just sat on the couch and in the bed downstairs chatting and being lazy. We had tea/coffee and biscuits. Liz and I opted for the best choice having bug mugs of coffee with shots of Kahlua as a wake-up which worked rather well.

We moped about for a few hours. Pete and Marshall left at about 1pm. Then Dad came home offered us sausage sandwiches but none of us were up to eating yet. At 2.30pm Liz’s dad picked her up and then the three of us left there got ready and then headed into the centre. DeeJay went straight home from there whilst em and Cece went to have some breakfast/lunch/recovery food in McDonald's. I then went to work and Celia walked home.

Mum picked me up from work at 8pm and had a weird angry outburst at me ending with her crying and then suddenly switching to a jolly “So how was work?”

I seriously worry about her sometimes. And I mean that with the utmost sincerity. She has been so weird these past few months. She’ll be really grumpy, angry and feeling sorry for herself and then will be really cool and fine for a bit. I’m not sure what’s wrong with her. Something has happened though. I wonder if she doubts her marriage and family-life sometimes. Though it’s probably just me over-thinking it.

I spoke to Pam (my Dad’s sister) about it and she agreed with me but is more concerned with my Dad. I feel incredibly sorry for him. He just constantly gets it in the neck from her. I spoke to him on Saturday evening when it was just the two of us, and he said she’s just been dodgy recently, but I know he’s more worried than he lets on. I wish he would open up sometimes, but I know that just isn’t him and never will be no matter how hard I try.

On Saturday, Mum, Dad and I joined the AFC congregation on a trip to Guilford. We spent the day in the pouring rain, on a muddy estate (Wintershall Estate), following the life of Christ. It was a drama performed by amateur actors from around Guilford. They staged it all outdoors with the audience following them around the fields for each Act and different scenes.

I really enjoyed it; in fact it had been my idea to get Mum and Dad to come with me. I got to walk around with my jeans rolled up to my knees and barefooted. Warm, wet, squelchy mud feels fantastic on the feet. It was so good. It was really well performed as well, staged and directed. We started the day at 5.30am getting to Church at 7.30am then joining the rest of the group on the coach arriving in Guilford for 10am. We left at 5pm and got home at 7pm which wasn’t bad going. Baths were certainly in order after that day!

Today was just a normal Sunday. Except I went into the city with Mum. I went and saw Georgia, Jen N, DeeJay, Vickie and Rob at work, then went an exchanged a top that Pam got me. Then Mum and I went to Starbucks for a chill-out. She was in her “bonding” mood today. She decided to tell me I should go no the pill and that I needed to spend some time with Kat. I haven’t spoken to her since she came back, which she mentioned to Mum. It’s actually really weird, but I guess sisters grow apart when they aren’t around each other; and living together again after four years of us both growing-up separately really does change things between us.

Oh well! I have the rest of the summer if needs be.

But this week ahead is devoted to friends again!

An Ode to The Bitchen Six

The Bitchen Six were the result
Of a night which was to become cult

It all started with a few pre-drinks
And led to a mighty great stink

The party went sour
It had only been a few hours

Off we went on a walk
To a place which would become the talk

For days, weeks and months to come
The place where it had all begun

Our home became an awesome night
Which was to be the year group site

Though we now go our separate ways
Friends we shall always stay

So the tale of The Bitchen Six will continue
But who knows where it will take you.

Something to remind me of my closest friends and greatest memories.

To DeeJay, Liz, Marshall, Pete and Tom ~ the other 5 members of the Bitchen Six ~ and Cece and Anita who have been there on the way too,

Thank you for all the best parts of my teenage years.

It's the time; it's the place; it's the motion.

Saturday was the day of Sophie's Grease party. But before this I had other things to do like shop and work.

I went into the city at 11.30am and visited the guys at work ti waste time before meeting Mr Tom! Hehee. Got to catch up on some gossip and stuff from the last week which is always good fun. Then went and met Tom off his bus. We went over to Hawes and Curtis to buy his tie for prom. I intended on buying it for him, but he wouldn't allow it. Never mind I have a sneaky hand and will get the money into his pocket at some point over the next few weeks. OR ~ hmm give it to Teighlor, that would work. Oh I am clever at times.

The city was manic with it being the 40th Anniversary of MK and also Sports mania. There were some pretty awesome people there signing and stuff, amongst them being Frank Bruno, Matt Dawson and a gladiator, but there name has completely vanished from my little brain! Either way, it was darn impressive. After wondering around Sports mania we found the Collectormania notice board and it turns out, much to Tom's approval, that he won't be missing the London Exhibition where Patrick Stewart and SYLAR are going to be. I so would love to go but it is unlikely I actually will. Tom shed a tear of joy or hay-fever I'm not sure which yet, and then we hurried over to Fat Face to let DeeJay know. I think that slightly brightened his day but not a huge amount. We only stayed for a bit, then went to get coffee. I'm not sure why we always say that when it never is coffee. Tom doesn't drink the stuff and I usually get cold drinks. We ended up at Millies and Baskins as all the coffee shops were packed. I got my usual large milkshake which I never get half-way through, and Tom got an awesome hot chocolate with cream and chocolate sauce. I love getting drinks with my friends, it makes me feel grown-up 'cos I can choose it. I'm very sad and childish at heart. After that we went over to game station so Tom could buy a new Wii Play hand-set and then went to the bus-stops where I waited with Tom 'til his bus arrived.

I went over to work and sat with George for a bit in the tea room then started work. Nothing interesting happened. The tills crashed so we had to do card transactions manually which is really fun. It's like when you play shop games as a kid. Although this lost its fun rapidly.

After work my daddy picked me up and took me home. I had to shower and change to be back out for 7.30pm. Dad took me to Abbey Hill Golf Club for Sophie's party where I met the first few guests ~ Katy, Emma and Sarah (two girls from Sophie and Katy's work). Sophie came out and her mum took a picture of the two of us before I went in. These were the rules for the guests, before entry you must take a picture with the Birthday Girl! Everyone had gone all out for their costumes and looked really good. T-Birds and Pink Ladies were rife and poodle skirts filled a lot of space. But I think the best dressed HAS to go to Liz. Skin tight peddle-pushers with the black court shoes and shoulderless black top. She made a truly amazing Sandy. http://www.flickr.com/photos/deejaynye/605198588/
The party was pretty good. Everyone seemed to enjoy themselves and most importantly of all, Sophie had a fantastic time! She looked pretty amazing herself actually, in a cross costume between Sandy at the end and Marty at the High School Prom.
I left pretty early considering, I was home by 11.45pm and was just catching up with people and sorting out emails. Nothing particularly interesting really.

I woke up this morning with tears streaming down my cheeks. I keep having the most horrible dreams where really distraught things are happening. The other night I dreamt that the B6 and Teighlor were at mine with my family when DeeJay fell down the stairs and cracked his head open, his brains fell out and we didn't know what to do. It ended with me in the corner rocking back and forth and crying. I was really upset when I woke. But last night's was something entirely different. I dreamt that my Dad wrote me a letter telling me he had cancer and that he had only told me and didn't want the rest of the family to know, then he just sort of faded away into nothingness. There was music playing whilst I read the letter but I'm not sure what the song was. It really disturbs me that I've been dreaming things like this. There doesn't seem to be any reason why I would dream such a thing like that either. It's all just really upsetting.

Today isn't going to be anything good and hasn't been so far. I sent off my accommodation application for Exeter Uni and then have been job hunting for temp work over the summer as I haven't got any extra hours for my part-time job. It really sucks but at least I'll be getting more money in! Saving up for Teighlor, Spain and Uni!!

Hope you have had a more interesting weekend!

Update

Darn this. I am a slow person when it comes to most things!

OK, I guess this isn't too bad actually compared to some other things I'm still behind on.

21st June 2007, the end and the beginning. The morning was my Synoptic RE exam which went pretty well by all accounts. 10 pages of writing with a page and a half of detailed notes beforehand. My goodness, my hand was KILLING me at the end of that session, even though it was only an hour and a half.

At 10.29am my exams in the institution of St Paul's Catholic School were over for good (if I have to re-sit it won't be there!). My class all went up to see Miss Friel and have a long chat and sort out our lunch-date with her. We're all really looking forward to this, she has been the most amazing teacher and really has become more of a friend. I'm really really sad to be leaving her. She's so damn awesome!



Cece, Katy and myself went into the city to get lunch. After this boring activity Cece and I headed back up to the school to see Tom before his Physics exam. Then we sat around and chatted for 20mins or so, catching up with our RE Synoptic teacher in the cafe. My goodness the cafe is seriously odd without 6th form in it. I felt like an impostor. Celia left at around 1.25pm to meet her mum and go home whilst I went and wasted time in the library trying to take my mind off the nightmare ahead of me.

1.45pm - my instructor turned up 15 minutes early to take me on what was to be my last lesson with him. I've never been so nervous in all my life. I thought music practical exams were bad ~ imagine a big room with a table and examiner at one end and you, a music stand, a piano and/or your instrument of choice. That was bad enough but the waiting room at the driving test centre is so much worse.

15.00 - Sitting in the waiting room with seven other people, three potential ex-students. The examiners walked in and called out our names. I was shocked, as a complete calmness came over me when Les Gillett called out my name. The test started at 15.02 and I answered my maintenance questions confidently with no fluffs. Then it was into the car where I had to sound the horn - silly me being a girl forgot to turn the ignition on at first, luckily the examiner wasn't looking. *phew*. Then, it was out of the test centre and around the back roads of Far Bletchley. I am rather pleased that I wasn't taken down through Newton Longville or Central Bletchley as I would actually have cried. As I parked back at the test centre I was quite relaxed and sort of not thinking of anything in particular. When I was told I had passed, I smiled and was happy but not really all that excited. Just felt a bit weird. I got 6 minors for gear changes, bumping the kerb, undue hesitation and driving too slow. My instructor laughed at the last one as he has been telling me off constantly for the last few weeks for driving too fast (this being in the hour before the test too). Well, never mind they were only minors.

Adam (my instructor) drove me to Katy's house where her mum was the first to hear that I had passed. Then Katy came running down. I miss her house! I got a phone call from DeeJay too. I answered the phone with "I passed!". I felt guilty as I had no credit so I couldn't phone any of the people I wanted to. Oh well. We went back to mine around 5.30pm where my mum met us on the drive. I tried to play the game so she though i failed the test, then said in a gloomy voice yeah, I passed. It was so funny watching her, she went a lil mental and screamed and gave me a big hug! Everyone has seemed so much more excited than me. Maybe I will when the insurance on the car is sorted!? I can't wait to give my friends and family lifts and stuff - gonna be awesome!

After a long night of organising and creating Sophie's 18th birthday present, finishing at 1am and still missing key people, we went to bed. Then were up at 6.30am to fulfill a bust schedule. In school for 9am and filling in the last messages of the book. Up to the city to get a card and present, then to Sophie's to wish her "Happy 18th Birthday" and hang around with her on the morning of her 18th year. Around 12pm we headed back into the city to get back to Bletchley and Katy's house. Then went to see Kate's Nan and Grandad - they are so cool, she's lucky to have them so close to her. Her Nan dropped us into Bletchley Central so Katy could get her dress for Sophie's Grease party. Then back to the city from there so Katy could meet Phil and me, go to work.

Pretty busy day. Work was average. Vicki's back home though so YAY to that. BUT George is leaving =( mega bummer. Love that girl. Means Thursday nights are free though. Oh man, changes are happening a lot at the moment, ti's all rather strange.

Nearly There

What a boring few days.

What a terrible way to start anything! Well, there's not much else to say for it. After an amazing weekend I slowly got stuck into my exams again. Monday I had a late start, was absolutely knackered. So after leaving myself an hour to eat breakfast and get washed and dressed (and get a phone call which I thought was to say "You're late for your exam" oh goodness exam anxiety sucks!) I went and had *fingers crossed* my last driving lesson. I went up into the city and didn't stall at the traffic lights AND went into fifth gear properly EVERYTIME today. I can't believe I can actually properly drive now. Well, hopefully.

I met DeeJay and Anita at the centre and we went over to Starbucks, but unfortunately our usual hang-out is closed 'til Monday 25th as it is being refurbished. Liz and Hannah S met us there and the four did some recap media revision. Then off they went to sit their last EVER media exam and I twaddled off to my bus stop.

I got drenched! Luckily I had my umbrella with me, but this only kept my head and shoulders dry. But I can't complain, it made me smile to be in the rain again - plus! it meant I could change into my Jim jams when I got home. Hehehee such a child still.

Tuesday I was up bright and early for school (never again) and sat "revising". Anita's brother kindly dropped us off at school where we met DeeJay and a few hours later, Tom. What a bad idea it was, thinking we would revise! What possessed such ludicrous thoughts is beyond my understanding completely. We went ti the city at 11am and had some lunch there ~ OUCH! to the prices at "The Place to Eat" it certainly didn't leave me feeling that way in the least! It isn't even as if they pay their staff particularly well on that. Liz and Hannah S met us again this time recapping Design over lunch. Back to school for exams, Liz driving us all back to the prison. What a boring yet slightly amusing exam! Luckily my thoughts of a certain person didn't run-a-way with me and I focused my mind on the tasks rather than an odd conversation and some good memories.

Tom, DeeJay and myself attempted to revise Psychology at the library after my exam. With one hour to waste we thought it was a good cram time. Pete was supposed to meet us, but unfortunately I lied to him (better tell it this way otherwise I'll get grief for lying >_>) telling him we would be there 'til 8om even though it closes at 6pm apparently ~ Sorry guys!
He couldn't make it up in time and so after a grand total of 19 minutes, we packed up our stuff and all went home.

I have NEVER felt so sick before. The suspension in the bus was atrocious and accompanied by a throbbing head and sickness from the most charming dinner-conversation, I was ready to hurl when I stepped off. By 6pm I was tucked up in bed with the windows wide open, sunglasses on and eyes closed. Turns out it was pressure from the thunderstorm building up which caused this. I truly do despise the sensitive head I own. If the pressure rises, my head starts thumping!

I woke at 4am this morning after a rather disturbing dream, involving squirrels, bears, ghosts, reality hitting me and a random phone call form my Dad informing me of where his stocking was. I was crapping myself when I woke. Then I realised I hadn't revised for my Psychology which was at 1pm today.

Thank the Lord for the morning. Into school at 7.55am and revising solidly til 8.30am. Then using my exam time to my best advantage. I had to sit three darn hours of General Studies this morning - including a re-sit. Oh yes, a re-sit in General Studies. How shameful on me. Never mind it proved perfect for Psychology revision. 5 pages on one paper were crossed out - filled with OCD, Schizophrenia and Cultural & Gender Bias. The other 3 pages making my first exam. Then 4 pages on Ethical Issues and The Use of Non-Human Animals crossed out, and 4 pages of relevant information made-up the second paper. I was quite impressed with myself. It proved most useful when it came to the 2 hour Psychology paper at 1pm. Who knows how I did. All that matters is that it's over with (until Uni anyway).

Now all that is left is tomorrow. BRING IT OOON! (in a true Joe Swanson styley)

From Kensington To Wembley

After another late night (got off the phone at 2.20am eek!) and then not being able to sleep, a late start on Saturday was imminent! It really wasn't the best idea unfortunately, but I'm just glad that I wasn't working!



I went into the city centre around 12.30 to get some money for the weekend and run a few errands around there. First, I met Celia so that I could give her the cheque for the limo and get some other payments. It was horrid up in the centre. I really can't stand the busyness of it on dull Saturdays. We were in queues in banks and the post office for about half an hour. Why do we always attract the weirdos? Some guy kept butting in on our prom conversation to make pointless comments about the wait. You understand when they're old or something, but this guy was just plain odd!



Anyway, after the city I went on home to get ready for London (YAY!). With half an hour left, I rushed around throwing stuff in my bag and getting changed. Pam arrived at 2pm and came in for some quick lunch and break. We left around 3.30pm in the rain and headed off to the M1. Luckily there was hardly any traffic so we were in London by 5pm. We headed off to Wembley hoping to find somewhere to leave the car over night, but there was nowhere particularly secure around there, so we went straight to the Hotel. I forget how busy London is, no matter what time of day you seem to be there.



We stayed at Blakemore Hotel which is just down from Kensington and not far from Hyde Park. We booked in and freshened up, then went to Kensington Gardens and walked around for about an hour and a half. I forget how beautiful the Parks in London are. We walked over to the "Princess Diana Memorial" and it was so lovely. Luckily it didn't rain whilst we were out. In fact it was really warm and sunny. I decided to regress back to childhood. Off came the shoes, up rolled the crops and in went the feet! It was FREEZING, but so nice to sit and dangle my feet over an edge into running water. I really love water, it's so pure and simple and refreshing! I then thought I'd be clever by going to where the water ran fastest and where the jets were. Off I went, and down I sat. It was well worth it - the rush and feel of it all, but another feeling came over me. A weird sensation really! My bum and whole backs of my legs were drenched. Turns out water splashes when it flows fast, and I'd sat in a big puddle. Oh dear! Never mind, I like attention (I guess!?).
After that, Pam decided it was probably time to leave. We took the long way back to the Hotel, walking past the Peter Pan sculpture. It is beautiful and truly captures the essence of youth, fun and childhood, which I certainly felt that day. Peter Pan is my favourite children's book of all time. The pictures and the words are perfect for when you grow-up.

I had a good night of drinking to follow. I started the ball rolling when we got back to the Hotel ordering to large white wines (Pinot Grigio, not sure which one). Once changed we headed off to a Chinese just off Kensington Gardens. Pimms was ordered and a bottle of Pinot again, stupidly expensive at £20 but very much worth it. After a delicious meal we headed off and went for a wonder. Then ended the night-out with Italian coffee and desserts at Bella Italian, which is actually the real-deal in London. We sat outside with the rain pattering at our feet but staying dry. I had a Calypso (Coffee with Tia Maria, I think) and Tiramisu. It was gorgeous. We wondered back through the rainy streets of London at about midnight. Finally ending with a night-cap in the hotel bar. I strangely chose a double Baileys - not as bad as the first time, but better at the end of the night!

Sunday was an odd start to the day. Pam woke me around 6.30am and then we sat talking 'til 8am. After showering, dressing and breakfast we checked-out and moved the luggage to the car. Leaving it there, we decided to go off on a wander. We ended up at Paddington Station, trying to find Oxford Street, but the maps are terrible in London. So after an hour we headed back to the car and drove over instead.

I LOVE Oxford Street. It has some of the best stores there. And it's made even better when with Pam. She really knows how to shop! We stayed there for 2 and a half hours then headed off to Wembley.

However amazing that concert was, there's no [possible way I can write about it. The Stadium is awesome! It's so big and just crazy. The bands were fantastic, even the one I didn't personally enjoy! So, this is just a basic rundown.

Around 4pm a band called Shy Child (you must check them out on myspace or something, seriously!). Then at 5pm Biffy Clyro came on. They are phenomenal performers. They played Saturday Superstar, yes, amongst there other two most recent releases. A mosh pit was started at the very front, clearly 12yr old boys, and amusing to watch from the side lines. At 6.30pm My Chemical Romance came on and played. Pam loved it, I sat staring dreamy eyed watching the clouds clear and the lighting slowly fade; the stadium slowly fill; and Worzel Gummidge's son run back and forth (as well as this really cute guy in funny shorts). Then at 8.30pm Muse made an amazing entrance and played the best live music Ihave ever heard. They are perfect and amazing and astounding and every other awe-filled word imaginable!

We left at 10.10pm, got to the car at 10.30pm (a 5 min walk supposedly). Then sat for 2hrs in stationary traffic. We got home at 1am and were both knackered. But it was totally worth it. I have pictures from the weekend here:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/saraheli

Go see them! Sorry about some of the shoddy ones. Hopefully my aunts ones will be available soon.

Perfectly Contented

"Sometimes you get so low, you don't know why,
And you get a little unsettled inside.
May I remind you?
That you don't live in poverty,
You got your youth,
And you got a roof over your head. " But I have been singing a replacement line here
"And you got nothing to lose!"

These words have just been going round and round in my head.

Last night I sat with the window open so that the fresh air would reach me. It started raining and I could only hear the patter of it outside. There is something so beguiling about the rain at night that I want to be out there wandering around. So, at 00.42 on Friday 15th June I signed out of MSN and went to my top drawer. I took out a packet of tobacco and some papers. I rolled a terrible cigarette, then re-rolled a good one. I then changed into my pyjamas, put on my flip flops and blazer. I grabbed a box of matches and then crept down the stairs. I took the house keys and unlocked the back door as silently as I could. Then stood out in the garden and had a smoke. It was so relaxing and perfect. I walked around the garden for a bit, then decided to go back in. The night was still calling me though, so I locked up and then went out the front. With my phone in my pocket and the keys in my hand I set off. I just walked around my estate for 20mins or so just singing those lyrics in my head. The rain got really heavy but I carried on with a really contented smile on my face!

I got back in around 01.03. I slipped back inside and locked the front door, then crept up the stairs. I went to the loo, then went to bed. I just lay there smiling and thinking how happy I was right there in that moment! I could have stayed out longer, but I knew I had to be up today! Never mind. I will certainly be repeating that experience, it was just so calming.

Well, off to work now!

-------------------------------------------------------------

It is now 01.36 and I only got home properly 30 minutes ago. After writing the first half of this I went down to the bus stop and stood in the light rain just pondering over anything and everything! Then beauty struck as the first roll of thunder sounded. I really do love summer storms. They are so refreshing.
I got on the bus and headed up o the city to meet Celia. Luckily I got up there early and bumped into Aimee and Ciera. It was good to see them again and to catch up and just have a general chit chat. Then Some old faces came round the corner - Tasha and Kele! Haven't seen either of them in months. They went to school with me yr 8- 12, but both decided college was better. And they are both much happier there now! I love looking back and being able to appreciate how lucky I am and how much I and everyone else around me has changed.

I guess that's all. I would like to write some other things that happened but it would seem quite silly to.

Sorry this took so long I've just logged back in after spending the weekend in London with (Aunt) Pam.

The Break-Up

WOW - What a day!

Did some revision today as I had nothing else planned. Unfortunately I spent most of my free-time catching up with friends and family over Facebook. Oops, but it isn't so bad as I have tomorrow, Saturday morning and Monday! I'm sure it hasn't meant failure is inevitable right?

I got a phone call from Georgia around 10.30am asking to cover her shift at work this evening, which I was more than happy to do, especially since it meant working late night with Jen and DeeJay. If it wasn't for this it would be a full week 'til I'd see DeeJay next and who knows for when I'd see Jen.

In the three hours I had before leaving for work I got some random, boring house chores done and limited amounts of psychology revision ~ though I cleverly stuck notes and posters on the walls of the living room so that it looked like I had been doing much more work when my parents got in! Hehehee I'm a sneaky one at times.

When I got into work, it was to find a dead shop with everyone leaving early. Jen took me to the side when I got down onto shop floor, "I want to talk to you DeeJay later, OK?". Well, I knew exactly what was going to be the talk. Earlier in the week I had got a bit upset when I saw that Jen's relationship status had changed to "just left a relationship". I instantly spoke to DeeJay, really worried and a little upset. I guess I should explain the relationship and background here.

Jen is my supervisor at work who is the loveliest, most caring and fun and talented and beautiful girl you will ever meet. It turned out that she was going out with a guy called Aaron Kendall who went to my school, two years ahead of me, and who I vaguely knew. As time went by I realised she was also friends with some girls who I was also friends with from my school. Jen and Aaron had come and seen a school play I was in with their friends, so it was a nice little common ground there that we shared.
During the holiday season Aaron came and joined the Fat Face team and I got to know him better. DeeJay and I have always been quite close to Jen and so we quickly took to Aaron also making our own little family unit. DeeJay really looking up to Aaron and me, Jen! They were always looking out for us two and having a good time with us and stuff.

Anyway, back to today. I was pottering around in the stock room and stopped for a second. It hit me that when Jen would speak to me, it was going to be like being told by my mum that her and dad were getting a divorce (this hasn't actually happened, I just presume). When I got back downstairs Jen came over and let me know that her and Aaron had indeed decided to take a break from their 2 and half year relationship. We stood and talked over it and she explained why they were doing it and apologised to me. It was so odd, but I don't think I've ever been upset about a break-up like this. I mean, I know I cried when DeeJay and Maye ended, but his was different. It feels so strange to know that they aren't together anymore. Jen even said to me that she felt like a parent telling her children she was getting a divorce. She said that her and Aaron had wanted to sit me and DeeJay down together and tell us properly.

When DeeJay and I left work at 8pm we both gave Jen a hug and had our little moment. As we were walking out both me and DeeJay were feeling quite low. Though I think it DeeJay took it worse than me. I guess I was ready prepared for it, whereas Deej, though he knew about the Facebook thing, didn't think it could be true. I think my surrogate family just had it's first trauma!

I really hope Jen and Aaron are going to be OK. They're still best friends, but I don't think that really makes up for the love they have for one another. They haven't stopped lobing one another or wanting to be around each other. I guess they just need to find themselves properly before they go and add another person to their life permanently like that.

To Jen and Aaron,
You've shared some amazing times and you've made my life so beautiful. You have been my role-models and even now you continue to grow in my respect. Never change!

A New Found Love

I think that there is someone on m mind as I keep typing their name and randomly mentioned them in my exams today. Luckily I haven't fully daydreamt (?) today so I have picked up on this mistake!

My gosh I had forgotten how painful writing is when doing it for 3 hours straight! Let alone the pain it causes for your eyes, the general boredom and the stress it causes.

My best friend saw me in a new light this morning. I arrived in school at 7.48am OUCH!! But it paid off in the end. I decided leaving early for my 9am exam was the best idea but hadn't vouched for my dear mother to offer a lift. I sat in the library going over notes for my theology exam for 30mins then did some idea bouncing with a classmate.

You'd think cram revising before an exam would calm you a bit, especially when you appear to know everything you'll need. Well, apparently not! By 8.40am I was going crazy outside the Sports Hall, laughing hysterically at the smallest things and freaking out at the even more insignificant. DeeJay was quite in shock to see me in such a state over an exam and found it hard not to laugh at me! I owe him an apology for acting in such a bizarre manner this morning!!

As I sat down for the first paper it hit me that I had neglected to revise aims of punishment and started to get more and more worried. But "Praise be to God!", when I opened the paper I was not lacking relevant information. I don't think I have ever smiled at an RE exam paper in my life until this day. I have a new found love for examiners - the questions were so simple and absolutely perfect! The only downside was the 3 hours spent writing four essays and approximately 20 pages =S Well, at least I never have to do a paper like that again!

I had an hour between this exam and the waste of space exam known better as General Studies. I was hoping that I could sleep or revise during this exam and ended up doing the former. Halfway through this 1 hour and a half exam I dosed off and trailed off mid-sentence. When I woke it was luckily only 10 mins passed and I had time to rectify the dodgy sentence I ended on. I had quite forgotten how positively pointless and irrelevant this exam is, luckily I only have two more left in my lifetime! Though I'd rather not waste those few precious hours on trivial nonsense.

Now to the slightly more interesting business of life - I went to the city with DeeJay, Tom, Katy and Celia to meet Liz for some more prom shopping (only 3 weeks 'til the day now =D). When we got up to the city we met Anita - my whore bitch! - and got some yummy Ice Cream from Baskin Robbins. We then found Liz's jewellery and my make-up. I'm really excited for prom, I'm getting my make-up done at Debenhams, then getting my hair cut http://www.beautifulhairstyles.com/cute/kelliepickler.html
Hopefully it will be like this but in my natural darkish brown colour! I'm completely in love with my shoes for prom too http://www.flickr.com/photos/saraheli/544193596/. They're just so pretty and cute and sweet!

Other than that this day has been pretty non-plus!

OH, but before ending I must publicly - or not so - congratulate my beautiful SpongiePie who passed her driving practical yesterday. She is such a sweetheart, she took all four of us tag-a-longs home this evening!

Well done Spongie!

First Time Cherry Popper

Hi there,

This is the first time I've used this but I know it's worth it after being a lover of many blogs available here already!

I'm in the middle of my A-Level Exams at the moment so it's all a bit stressful and silly.

Just a little low-down on me I guess. Well, I'm 18 and at St Paul's Sixth Form until 21st June when my exams finish for good. I've been there for 7 years so it feels good to be leaving but properly weird too!

I'm the youngest of four kids. One big brother heading the army and two sisters. Although I think my 2nd family is more interesting. My friends are who my life revolves around and I'm sure it will be this way for a long time. I got to choose them and they don't care about the little things. They're amazing really!

Thank you for listening/reading!

See you around people.