Tuesday, 23 June 2009

The Weekend

I spent Saturday pretty much non-stop on my feet. Up at 8am and into the town centre. An application for was handed in (fingers crossed I will be successful with something along the way), a trip to the nurse, a visit to my new manager (OK before you think I just said I've been applying for jobs, this one is only 8-12 hrs a week working mostly weekends) which was very successful. As I had some time to waste I took a slow walk down the Boulevard but down the hidden garden way and took some photos to prove MK does have some hidden gems. After doing my errands I bumped into my sister and nephew and then went to meet Betty and Charlie.

It was so good to see the good people again. It has been so long since I've seen Charlie and it always makes me beam to see her again. She is truly amazing. Obviously any time with Betty is well spent as well (I couldn't go on too much about her otherwise I would sound a little obsessed). We went to meet Tom as well later on and had a look around the art exhibition that the college puts on every summer. There was, as per usual, some fantastic work on display and then some things which I was happy to say I was not the only one to comment "I don't get it". Betty, Charlie and Tom are all art students who were in the exhibition last year, so I rely on them to explain things to me a lot.

So after looking around the exhibition I departed and went down to the train station. Today was the day I would see Jérémie again after more than a year. Leaving MK at 3.30pm I knew it wouldn't be a long visit. I didn't get to his place until just gone 5pm although it shouldn't have been so late...I am pretty awful at reading maps and remembering to bring directions to get to places too. Never mind. It was a little odd as I didn't feel anything when he opened the door other than a little bit of embarrassment for seeing his reflection and walking the wrong way (I've never understood reflections and that side of physics/mathsy stuff). He certainly gave a better reception than the last time I'd seen him. Standing on the bottom step he lent down towards me, held my face in his hands and gave me a kiss on each cheek. He looked almost as if a wave of relief had washed over him when he has hold of me. It was strange.
So in I went and he showed me around the house. Much nicer than some of the other places I've seen but it looked like there were only three of them living there, though it was just him when I was there and until he moves out. I was so paranoid about what was going to happen, really certain that it was going to be friends only. He made me a mug of coffee and was trying to chat about Uni stuff and asking how my first year had been, but I really didn't have anything to say. Although I think I can partly out that down to the tonsillitis making me so tired. We went into the living room and sat down to watch "X-Men Origins: Wolverine". Again, another weird situation with me taking to sitting in the corner of the sofa all huddled up and him lying across it. It didn't feel uncomfortable really, just a little odd I guess. As the film started he put his arms out for a hug. So I ended up snuggled up on his chest, all interlocked for the film. It did just feel normal. Really natural to just be back in his arms again. He even did the same things he used to, held my face and felt it with his thumb. Just sort of stroking it, almost getting to know his way around it again, reminding himself who I was or something. It was incredibly relaxing but ever so annoying when he ended up placing his hands over my eyes.
He stopped the film a couple of times and tried to make me speak french to him. I don't know why I always get so nervous when he asks me to do that. I never know what to say. So we had a very stupid conversation and then when the film finished I went to sit up and as I moved my head he moved his down ever so slightly and we nose-to-nose looking into each others eyes. I lowered my eyes and as I did so he placed the softest kiss on my lips. And that was it. It was liking being with an animal. Nothing really happened other than kissing and biting but he pulled back from me, held my face and then told me "This is how we kiss in France" and proceeded to do these crazy series of biting kisses and "teaching" me how to do it the french way. It was so bizarre. I don't really know how else to say it. I wanted to stay there so bad. It was so much more sexual and passionate than he ever used to be. He started biting my neck, face, chest...his hands were all over and the noises he made were just....it was so weird. He was never like that before. But it was a lot of fun. But there was no way I could let it go further so I placed her hand firmly on his chest pushed him gently and told him I would have to go soon. At least he responded to it better than the last guy I stopped in their tracks.
We sat talking four half an hour then he walked me to the train station around 8pm. He was so energetic it was totally opposite to the last time I saw him. He was full flow telling me about his summer and his family. When we got to the station we stood there for a bit talking about France and checking when my train came then he apologised, said he could stay until it got there, held my face gave me a kiss slap on the lips, squeezed my hand, smiled and left. The whole thing was nothing like I expected it to be.

It was a long journey back. Half an hour wait for the train, half an hour to Northampton, half an hour waiting there and then another half hour into MK. Kathryn picked me up at the station and the first thing she said to me "Did you sleep with him?". It was so good to be able to say no. It really felt good because I know everyone thought they knew I would. I got back home eventually just after 10.30pm, absolutely spent but unable to sleep.

The next day I was up at 8am again, in work just after 11am until 5pm. It was so good to get back into that, and to start on a day with just JenN, Mel and Attia. So happy to be back there, it was such a relief to get back into doing something other than nothing in MK. Will be there every weekend and the odd week days until I move back to Manchester =)

I spoke to Jérémie on Sunday evening/night briefly. Just left a quick message to say thanks and it was good to see him. And for the first time he responded with "Don't thank me, I should thank you. It was it is true." The most unlike-him response.

Songs of the week: "You've Lost That Loving Feeling" ~ Halls and Oats
"The Show" ~ Lenka
Book of the week: "East of Eden" ~ John Steinbeck

Thursday, 18 June 2009

If You Were In My Boots.

I've just read over my last post on here. And I am rather glad I did as I am going to see Jérémie for the first time in over year this Saturday. Well that is the plan. Though I'm not sure whether it will have to be re-arranged or not as we both have work things going on. Just see what comes of it I guess.

I have spent the last week or so talking to friends and asking them if they can remember why I hated him so much. Not hated, that is far too strong a word. But, there was something rather bitter and unsettled about the whole thing that I couldn't put my finger on. That was a nice refresher as neither I or my friends could remember what he'd done, consciously or not. Thank goodness I am over all of that now.

I seem to have a habit of getting involved with guys who I really shouldn't. Actually, no! That isn't true at all. I just get carried away with things a bit too much. That's the reality of it. James and Shaun are key examples of how I let myself get carried away. Thank goodness I can learn from my experiences. For the record, I don't regret a single thing. What is the point in regretting things when you can't change any of it. And even if I could, I certainly wouldn't, because everything leads on from something else and who knows what I would have missed out on. I'd rather not risk thinking and just keeping living for the now and next. So now I have to remember how to move on from the last guys. Although it is on a totally different level, different circumstances entirely.

Let's just say this...sleeping with 2 best mates is a bad idea. Especially when they have been best mates since they were about 5. I mean honestly...what possesses a girl to think that is a good idea? Throw a little extra into the mix...you met these boys in a bar with your best-mate and she kinda fancied one of them. Now, let us see this again. The boy who you like was sober when you met him, but you were rather wasted. His mate and your mate were both wasted. They exchanged numbers so the lads could come back to yours. After they leave yours, your mate gets a text from the lad asking if his mate can have your number. Thinking nothing of it, you agree. This guy texts you almost immediately and you end up talking to him almost on a daily basis. Flirting is to a max yet you do not see him again for another six weeks. And in this time you have gone home for three weeks, he has invited you to his birthday night out and you have agreed. But at the same time, his mate has started talking to you a fair amount too however is no longer in contact with your best mate. So you think it is best not to mention he is in contact though conversations are totally kosher and you fancy the other one. Then one day the lad you fancies' best mate asks if you fancy a threesome when you get back. Little bit of a shocker but you're always up for new games. But you think, who is the third part of this ménage à trois? First thoughts...the guy you fancy. If his best mate is going down this route you are going to get the best deal.
So a week after you get back, a shocking performance at the birthday night out (in which you realise the one you don't fancy is more worthwhile) the two lads come over and the games begin. The next six weeks are rather bizarre as you have slept with two guys who are best mates and have never been in that situation before as far as you know. The one you don't fancy has taken to you as being his booty call and for the next four weeks, whenever he goes out you get a call or a text to see if he can come round. Not quite what you were hoping the outcome would be of the night. But you know how to deal with this guy and it is just a game to you. Nothing happens. Then you make the choice to one night invite him out since the one you like isn't making any moves. The invitation is accepted. He turns up with two friends (who it turns out you have met before at the birthday night) and you realise, he is a damn good kisser. He wants you to join him and his mates later and you say yes, but play him a bit and make a point of having your night out with everyone not ruined. By the end of the night you have had a bit much of how needy and pushy he has almost been. So he says he wants to leave and asks for your keys. Clearly you say, no. Then, 20 minutes later your best mate has gone home a little more than annoyed and you are stumbling back to your flat. When you get there, there is a little surprise in the shape of three guys waiting at the main door for you. Well, since they have made the effort you take them back in and up with you. Not the best idea in the world, but you think you can handle the whole thing well enough. Things start going in the wrong direction, you get caught up in the moment a bit and then remember yourself and stop it all. The guys leave, although there is a bit of a spat and you aren't feeling to chipper when they leave.
Next day you get a text from the guy you fancy saying "Heard you saw 'the best-mate' last night'" which you reply to with, "Yeah, saw him when I was out with the girls and flat". That is that. But a few days later when you are talking to the one you fancy he asks you what happened with the other guy the other night. Well, tell him the truth as you don't know what he's been told already. It isn't a pretty story as his best mate came kind of close to forcing himself on you that night which is why you weren't too happy. Clearly the story is a bit of a shock but you only tell the facts and that is it. Regardless of what happened though he has still be calling/texting when he wants a bit if you. You have mostly gotten over the whole incident anyway. You were very drunk that night after all, and you did lead him on with foreplay so not so much of a surprise what happened happened.
Things carry on for a week or so, then you have an argument with the guy you fancy. Well, not so much as an argument as you aren't quite sure what is going on any more. But things aren't exactly peachy. The day of your last exam you get a text from the other guy (the one who you don't fancy as much now) asking if you want to go round to his. Well, it is your last day and you think you may as well make the most of it. So you go round to see him, you have some fun with him, then you go back to yours and carry on your merry little way. The next day you are in the van on your way home and you get a text from the one you still fancy and leave it until you get home so you can have a full conversation after what happened last time you spoke properly. In the middle of a perfectly normal chat he suddenly asks how his best friend is, "I wouldn't know I haven't seen or spoken to him today, I was moving back home with my Dad. I'm assuming he's still alive" His response to you "How's his nob". What a grown-up thing to say. Your answer "Like I said, haven't seen or spoken to him today. I'm assuming it's still attached." Which he replies to with "Hahahahaaa" And there we have it. The childish response from a guy who doesn't have the balls to meet you if his best mate isn't there; who won't tell you how he feels regardless of the fact that you have openly told him how you feel; who flirts with you and makes out as though he likes you.

Well done. Well done, you did it again. Found those guys. Enjoy 2 and a half months away from that!

Oh yes, and remember the one you've slept with more than once. That's right the one who you didn't even fancy that much (though now you are having second thoughts) will be living three minutes from your new house, on the other side of the park. Enjoy your time away!