Saturday, 25 August 2007

Drama Queen

I really can over dramatise situations at times.

I can't believe how fickle my emotions are too.

I feel like in the last month I have done a lot of growing-up and a lot of reality checks to bring me back. Sarah to earth - I'm coming home!

I've had a whole lot of people come and go and then come back again since I last blogged. My closest friend went to Italy for a week which caused a lot of heartache for me and his "kind-of-not-really-girlfriend". It was really good in a way because the two of us spent a fair bit of time together and just chatting and being girlie and stuff. It was a lot of fun. But I don't think he has ever seen to girls be so ecstatic and over the moon to see him when he returned 8 days later. I swear they were the longest 8 days of my life.

5 days. Everyday I was in work that week I would count down to my colleagues until DeeJay would be home and then Liz and I would work out the hours and try and work out what he was doing in Italy at that moment when we spoke and were together. 4 days to go. We braved it and we went out on the Wednesday night with our other bum buddies from the B6. It was a fairly good night, with Lizi, Katy and Anna joining us. It was amazing to see her again. Anna this is. She went out with an old school friend of mine around christmas time so I haven't seen her since then. She has got to be the most genuinely, lovely, caring, kind, non-judgemental, fun-loving, prettiful, sane but crazy girl I have ever met with THE most beautiful singing voice. I'm not even joking. She has the voice of an angel.

Friendships went on the rockies for a bit but all turned out to be a SHOCKWAVE TESTAMENT for me to realise yet again how truly blessed I am with my friends. A lot has happened but I honestly coudn't sit and re-iterate it all.

The day DeeJay came home my family left for Tuscany (a swap over holiday it seemed) and for the next two weeks I would have another rollercoaster of emotions. Until the Wednesday after their departure I don't think I had anyone over other than my aunt Pam. Although I tend to have a very selective memory.
Anyways - on the Wednesday before results (making it 15th August) I had my closest friends over. Well, those who could make it. As we were all cacking ourselves over results I thought it a good idea to get us all together so that we could take our minds off it or at least get to talk to people who could truly empathise.

We drank and ate and chatted and then went for a walk down to the lake. We sat in the pitch black by the lakeside at 12am and for about 20mins in the freezing cold singing on the benches and pissing about. Unfortunately Tom had an accident. He was running, I told him to stop in case he fell...SURPRISE, SURPRISE he fell and cracked a rib, grazed his head and both his knees, ripped his trousers and incurred upon himself mild concussion. I feel a tad guilty and almost totally responsible for that one. But luckily I provided him with a much needed walking stick. The guilty conscience eased slightly.

Results day was hectic and full of varying emotions. We all got into Uni. I unfortunately seemed to draw the short straw. When I arrived home I phoned my parents in Tuscany to let them know of my results and future Uni plans. My father wasn't too impressed because I didn't achieve all my target grades. I was down one grade for English and so didn't get into my first choice Uni - which I personally knew was going to happen anyway. But with ABB I was fairly impressed considering how shockingly bad I had done during the year in RE. I was told that the outcome was "disappointing" and became rather tearful to say the least. I came off the phone abruptly and decided to phone my brother instead. I had phoned my aunt Pam first off in school and had a very good response from her, but felt I needed some extra family support. My brother was the perfect person for this and I was in tears down the phone to him with all my friends sitting in the room with me at a loss as what to do. It probably wasn't the best reaction for me to have with them around but I was very lucky to have my friends with me really.

After that day (we all went out that night and thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. Well, the finale was a good one evetually) I spoke to my best-friend and was slightly shocked to hear what he said about my phone call to my brother. I do love them both dearly and they certainly are my two favourite males in existence - Sam and DeeJay. They are both always there for me. In the same way that Pam, Katy, Celia, Tom and Liz are. I Love my parents and sisters dearly and they are rated in my favourite people of all time certainly but I guess I don't fully understand where they're coming from all the time and react in a silly way. But anyway that isn't the point right now.

DeeJay proved how much he means to me. It occurred to me over the past two weeks how close we really are. I don't think I ever have completely been in a negative mood with him. There is always something which pops up to remind me (OK sorry have to point out the sexual innuendo there hehee sorry >_>) what an amazing person he is. In fact I just wrote a huge email to him about it.

I have yet again lost my train of thought which I tend to be doing all too often nowadays.

Anyway I've had an evetful two weeks and prior to that also. My family are now home and there are some awkward moments but in general I'm very happy to see them home again. There isn't much time left with them in this way now, so I guess I should chersih the crappiness and amazingness of homelife.

Friday, 3 August 2007

Let me in; Push me out

I can't believe this. Without fail and without even trying I am a fool for him. I let myself believe that it is going to be something different this time and that it has changed and there is something there.

Just accept it. When it comes down to the bottom line friendship is all that is there and by no stretch of your imagination; no matter how hard I try or want it; it isn't going to happen. Get over him and move on to someone or something else. He certainly isn't worth the aggravation and there is no reason to think that he is. One-way roads don't let two directions flow.

When I finally understand this truly, I hopefully will stop getting so easily hurt.

Do you know what the stupid thing is? I was told by him that I was like this. Maybe not in this manner of speaking and certainly not referring to these feelings, but he was right. I am too easily offended like right now. But I am not backing down on the pain this time 'cos there is no way that this is just the "love" working here. This is breaking both, any thought of that and now it seems even friendship.

The most annoying thing about this, is that when I next speak to him properly, when it comes to that call - I will fall all over again. I can't stop it from happening either.


You told me earlier today how stupid it was when you saw this exact thing happen in reverse yesterday, but here it goes again.

What a sucker, is all I can say.

Thursday, 2 August 2007

To Cap It All Off

I should really start by recapping the past three weeks or so that have passed with no news from me, but in all honestly nothing much has happened to my memory. I've been working a fair bit and doing nothing much in particular.

The main events over the past weeks have been friend related, so I guess I start with the brief summary. We (the B6 minus Pete and Marshall plus Teighlor) went to London for the day on Wednesday 11th July. The night before however, was Katy's 18th so we went out for a few drinks. Liz and I got hammered on a bottle of wine each. It was not a clever idea. I threw up when we went to a club and have a dogged memory from semi-passing/falling asleep in the space of 30mins probably. I had an odd night's sleep and felt rough as anything most of the next day. But nonetheless, London was really good as it always is. We went around all the sights and walked a shit load but I personally needed to work out any remaining alcohol from my system. We got home about 9pm after leaving at 10am that morning so it was a long day but a rather enjoyable one.

I finally got the insurance on the car, had a free house for the day so Liz and I drove the group bar Pete plus Teighlor, into the Brickhills where we proceeded in a 2 hour walk through the woods and wilderness. It was a very good day by my accounts. We all got scratched and muddy but it was good fun to be out with everyone like that. We went home to mine and watched Spaceballs then it was in to the City Centre for work and home. DeeJay and I went for Pizza Express after work and got some very odd looks from passers-by and the staff who clearly thought we were on a date. Heheh, ignorance is bliss!

Tom, DeeJay, Liz, Celia and I went to see the 5th Harry Potter film which was a bit of a let down considering how much the book effected me. Nevertheless it was good to be out with the guys.

Liz, DeeJay and I went to the Harry Potter launch, hanging around to watch the activities in the centre, then watching Lee Evans til 11.45pm and going to Wolverton Tesco's to pick up the 7th, final book in the Harry Potter series Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (which I am currently, very slowly reading).

The Spain Crew, minus Celia who is in Ghana (left on 23rd June due back at the beginning of August some time) stayed over Liz's for two nights which was good fun. The second night I had my car as well as Liz's so we went into the Brickhills at 11pm and
walked the length of the woods. The fun began when we bumped into some suspect chavs in a BMW parked near the cemetery. They followed us walking all night and then chased us when we drove past. It's such an adrenaline boost to be in a car chase down a narrow, windy, one-way road in the pitch black. That was probably the best night there. We had some interesting driving that night to say the least.

The family were all down two weekends ago; my mum's older sister and her husband; his sister and her husband; Sam and Honey; and dad's sister Pam. It was nice to have the family all around like that since it has been two years since we've seen Oli and Geoff (aunt and uncle) and probably a good there years since we've seen Irene and John (Uncle's sister and husband). We didn't do anything in particular so there is nothing much to say about that.

Pam, mum and dad went to see Van Morrison and me and Kat spent the evening drinking red wine and watching movies which was really good. I don;t spend an awgul lot of time with her as I have my own life to be living.

On Monday of this week I stayed around Katy's house and we had a girlie night in, watching Napoleon Dynamite which is by far the oddest film I have ever seen, though I quite like it despite the oddity of it. Then Tuesday after working 10-6 I went over to Liz's, DeeJay was there too . We took Liz's aunt and uncle's border collies for a walk around Bancroft, Bradwell and that general area for about an hour and a half. Then we sat and messed around and attempted to organise and Avenu Qru trip for next summer or sometime. The next day we met Tom and took the dogs for a two hour walk in the Brickhills which was much fun and blooming knackering. It was really good to be relaxed out in nature enjoying the company of some of my closest friends though.

That night (Wednesday) Katy, Liz, Pete, Marshall, Leigh and I all met up to go out. Unfortunately (majorly so it turned out) DeeJay couldn't make it as he is soon going on holiday to Tuscany so he relaly needs to make sure he's in a fit state so as not to ruin the family holiday, which is fair enough, but a bummer for us lot. Anyways - it was a good night out. I wnjoyed dancing a bit, though not much this time which is highly out of the ordinary for myself but nevertheless I enjoyed it all at the time. We met up with other people form school and stuff whilst out which was cool considering it's been a good month since we'd all seen each other. Katy stayed at mine that night and then we went to the cinema today with Marshall, Tom, Liz and DeeJay to see The Simpsons Movie. I wasn't expecting much as Kat hadn't built it up much, however I very much enjoyed. There are some awesome one-liners and jokes in it which had me truly Lulzing.

I've certainly been enjoying myself but not really doing anything in particular.