Friday, 15 June 2007

Perfectly Contented

"Sometimes you get so low, you don't know why,
And you get a little unsettled inside.
May I remind you?
That you don't live in poverty,
You got your youth,
And you got a roof over your head. " But I have been singing a replacement line here
"And you got nothing to lose!"

These words have just been going round and round in my head.

Last night I sat with the window open so that the fresh air would reach me. It started raining and I could only hear the patter of it outside. There is something so beguiling about the rain at night that I want to be out there wandering around. So, at 00.42 on Friday 15th June I signed out of MSN and went to my top drawer. I took out a packet of tobacco and some papers. I rolled a terrible cigarette, then re-rolled a good one. I then changed into my pyjamas, put on my flip flops and blazer. I grabbed a box of matches and then crept down the stairs. I took the house keys and unlocked the back door as silently as I could. Then stood out in the garden and had a smoke. It was so relaxing and perfect. I walked around the garden for a bit, then decided to go back in. The night was still calling me though, so I locked up and then went out the front. With my phone in my pocket and the keys in my hand I set off. I just walked around my estate for 20mins or so just singing those lyrics in my head. The rain got really heavy but I carried on with a really contented smile on my face!

I got back in around 01.03. I slipped back inside and locked the front door, then crept up the stairs. I went to the loo, then went to bed. I just lay there smiling and thinking how happy I was right there in that moment! I could have stayed out longer, but I knew I had to be up today! Never mind. I will certainly be repeating that experience, it was just so calming.

Well, off to work now!


It is now 01.36 and I only got home properly 30 minutes ago. After writing the first half of this I went down to the bus stop and stood in the light rain just pondering over anything and everything! Then beauty struck as the first roll of thunder sounded. I really do love summer storms. They are so refreshing.
I got on the bus and headed up o the city to meet Celia. Luckily I got up there early and bumped into Aimee and Ciera. It was good to see them again and to catch up and just have a general chit chat. Then Some old faces came round the corner - Tasha and Kele! Haven't seen either of them in months. They went to school with me yr 8- 12, but both decided college was better. And they are both much happier there now! I love looking back and being able to appreciate how lucky I am and how much I and everyone else around me has changed.

I guess that's all. I would like to write some other things that happened but it would seem quite silly to.

Sorry this took so long I've just logged back in after spending the weekend in London with (Aunt) Pam.