The Real Thing

That's how you know it's the real thing isn't it!?

When I see a photo or think of an intimate moment it physically hurts to know I probably won't see him. Standing in work today I was thinking about different visits and what's been said and done. Just those simple thoughts caused me a really bad heart pain that made me want to double-up and cry. But I managed to make my mind wander onto different things to top those pains.

Sitting on the internet tonight I let myself fall and decided to look at what's been going on. Anything new!? Some new pictures. Seeing that face, knowing when I have or haven't seen that expression made my tummy hurt but in the same place that it had just been fluttering at seeing him. Then the tears welled back up again.

How can something so good hurt so bad before anything "real" has even happened?

I never meant for that to happen.