Saturday, 10 May 2008


OK, after a bad start to the week I managed to work my way out of my little ditch of emotions and have come out on top. And all thanks is going to my work-mates. They have had an earful each on my current dilemma and all of them have come-up with the same answer which shocked me but dawned realisation on my eyes.

Crying my eyes out was a good way of knowing that I do really have feelings for him but also those feelings are in no way gonna be "Love". He will always hold a soft spot until I get over him or decide he has something wrong with him (not gonna be happening anytime soon then!). I came to the conclusion that he had "cheated" on me (if that's possible in a non-est. relationship) but then the next day was a little shocked at how easily led my mind is as I thought about it again. He was a a party with all his French friends and they were singing, not even facing each other. I just want him to hurt me so I can be annoyed and upset for real reasons and then go onto something and someone new, even though that would only be to make life easier on me of course.

Well the week went by and all my favourite people in work eventually came in and we got discuss our lives and stuff and each asked about how things were with Jérémie and so I explained to each how it is basically over and about the weird weekend and then the random drop-in of being invited to see him over the summer. All of them gave that same response of "What!? After everything on Saturday?" And then proceeded to "Maybe he is just distancing himself to make it easier for when he's in France" and it made me think that I truly have been utterly selfish about the whole thing.

Friday was my star boy's appearance and his gentlemanly advice and experience to help me out.
My kidboy - Rob, told me not to talk to him unless he started a conversation, not to put myself on display and sale for him when I know I will just be hurt by it all regardless of what happens and then told me I mustn't ask to see him again now. So my first weekend of not asking him if I can go and see him, and my plan to test myself to the extreme came into play. I went to Coventry this afternoon with my sister, Kat, to do some much needed shopping. As there were train problems yet again, we couldn't go to Bedford for Primark, Watford is far enough that we might as well go to London so that was out of the question, and my other sister, Jenny, was going to Northampton so that blasted that Primark out of the water. My hopes were to come true. So Kat and I headed up to Cov for some retail therapy. We spent the whole afternoon there, got close to heading nearer to Singer Hall but headed away luckily and I didn't once phone or text Jérémie to say I was there or to ask if he was available. I got that close and didn't cave-in and really enjoyed my day actually.

So Phase One has been successful and I now have next weekend in Manchester so that will be a no go for Coventry luckily. And then I'm home and dry I think.

Though I am happy to keep contact and visit him in the summer if he's still up for it. Just see how things are going really.

I have some pretty blissful memories to reminisce over if I do miss him anyway so I think that is how it will go. That doesn't seem rude or mean or anything does it!? Didn't think so =D

Song of the day: "Just" ~ Mark Ronson
Listening to: "Version" ~ Mark Ronson
Readnig: "Fifth Elephant" ~ Terry Pratchett