Monday, 19 May 2008

Break It Down

Sometimes I wish I didn't remember things that I was never meant to know.
Sometimes I hope against hope, that which I am certain of as the truth is not so.
Unfortunately for me that is all they will ever be. Until, maybe, it no longer matters.

I spent this weekend relaxing with my favourite girl in the world up in Manchester. There were no moments of awkward silence or hopeful ends but laughter gossip and confidences. I wsh it coiuld have lasted longer. Cecilia is the most beautiful person I know. Both inside and out she shows no ugly qualities and always help you hide away your own.

There are times when I think those silly ideas of me that appear due to whatever reason should be acted upon. Twice in about the space of 5 minutes I could have made a choice that would have made me feel a lot better about certain things yet I didn't. I don't regret this though. I have always been a firm believer that even if you are not happy with a result or action you should never regret it because at some point you will learn from it all.

Without lessons where would be?

I tell lies a lot, it is not a trait which I would like to make public knowledge or first-hand knowledge, as it would take too much time to explain why I do it. It is not always selfish reasons, I often think that it is better to let the truth lay low when you can read a situation well enough to know that a lie won't hurt at any point, or just as much as the truth could in time.

I have learned to hold back the tears because of one person and I owe them thanks however they will never get that directly. They would not understand or believe me for it and the way in which they did it may not be something they are aware of even.

Sometimes secrets are a lie because they are the lack of truth and therefore surely that is what makes one!?

Emotions are rife at this point in my life and I can't get a grap on them. Every time I make an effort to do so, I get confused and send out the wrong messages to those around me. I don't know what these messages are though as I do not fully comprehend what it is I am doing just as I do not know the feelings.

One day it will make sense.
One day maybe I will be the one making this happen to another.